Is my relationship healthy?
Here are a few indicators a relationship is healthy:
- You can be yourself! You can both be different from one and other, yet respect those differences. You feel comfortable expressing yourself honestly.
- You feel free to do your own thing. You can spend time with your friends and family. You continue with activities and interests that are important to you.
- Your partner is truly there for you. They accept and respect your feelings, ideas, and opinions, even if they don’t always agree. They really listen when you speak.
- You can safely disagree. You can take the time to come to an agreement and compromise when making decisions. If you have a disagreement, you talk openly with each other and prevent a buildup of anger and hostility.
- Your boundaries are respected. You feel comfortable enough to tell them when you need some time alone, that you don’t want to have sex, that you can’t make an immediate decision about something.
- You have honesty and trust. You are truthful with one and other. You feel supported and cared for. You both take responsibility for your own behavior, instead of always blaming problems on others.
- You enjoy being together! You have fun and take pleasure in each other’s company
Indicators that you may be in an unhealthy relationship:
- Your partner insults your looks, thoughts, or beliefs.
- They try to keep you away from your friends, family, or other people you care about.
- Your opinion is consistently ignored, with the other person always making decisions for the both of you.
- You feel frightened and intimidated by your partner.
- Your partner physically harms you in any way.
- You are repeatedly pressured to do something sexual you do not feel comfortable with.
- Your partner forces you to do anything you don’t want to do.
- There is no communication, with your partner refusing to talk about important issues.
Tips for a Healthy Relationship
- Look for a partner based on what’s inside, not what’s outside. Maybe “hot,” “rich” and “popular” seem like desirable qualities for a partner to have, but we’re betting that a partner who is funny, sweet, thoughtful, and a good listener would be way more fun to hang out with.
- Being in a committed relationship with someone doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to be in a forever relationship with them. It is natural that some couples will grow apart, and most people have several relationships in the course of a lifetime.
- Maintain your life outside of your relationship – friends, school, work, sports and other activities should not have to be dumped in order to be in a relationship with someone. When you both have your own interests and lives, you’ll have a richer, more exciting relationship when you are able to spend time together.
- Make sure you are with a person for the right reasons – do you feel good about yourself after spending time with them? Are they supportive? Caring? Kind? It might seem that being with someone (even if you are not really into them) is preferable to being alone, but it is totally okay to be single!
How to build a healthy relationship
- Communicate! Open communication is the key ingredient to maintaining a healthy relationship. It’s incredibly important for you and your partner to share thoughts and feelings about the relationship with one and other. If something is bothering you, don’t keep it bottled up. By honestly expressing your concerns, the relevant issue can be confronted and dealt with. Solid communication helps build mutual trust and stops misunderstandings before they can seriously damage a relationship.
- Maintain healthy independence. When people care deeply about one another, it’s normal for them to want to spend as much time together as possible. It’s good to create some space for yourself and maintain good connections with friends, family, or other individuals outside your relationship.
- Everyone needs a little break. It’s helpful for partners to spend time a part. We all need some time to ourselves to focus on our interests. A good support network is important and can provide valuable insights when we have questions.
- Negotiate and compromise. It’s important to keep a relationship fair and balanced. Partners need to feel that their voices are heard and their needs are being met. Equality between partners plays a big role in keeping a relationship healthy.
- Have fun! Yes, a good relationship is hard work, but it shouldn’t be all work. So be creative, try new things, and surprise each other. Have fun and laugh together!
Dating can be stressful. Sometimes it seems like you can’t find the right words, do the right thing, or are just plain confused. Here are a few tips we have to help you navigate dating.
- Be respectful when asking someone out. Whether the answer is “yes” or “no,” it’s important to respect the other person’s feelings.
- Make sure you have good hygiene: take a shower, brush your teeth, etc…
- Come up with a specific plan for the date. Whether it’s something to do or a place to go, don’t just leave it up in the air.
- Exchange contact information in case someone has to cancel or change the plan.
- Don’t be late; it’s disrespectful to not show up on time. Call or text if you can’t make it when you said you would.
- It’s important not to expect something physical to happen right away. Definitely don’t pressure someone to do anything they are not comfortable with.
- If things don’t go as well as you’d hoped, avoid the urge to say negative things about the other person behind their back; you wouldn’t want them badmouthing you.
- Asking questions and trying to get to know another person is great, but avoid overly sensitive subjects. Some people need time to get comfortable enough to share truly personal information about themselves.
Dating Violence Myths and Facts
Fact: No one deserves to be abused. Jealousy is not an excuse for abusive behavior.
Myth: I was drunk and I didn’t know what I was doing. Drinking is what makes me abuse.
Fact: Alcohol or chemical use does not cause someone to be abusive.
Myth: No one has the right to interfere in your relationship, even if one person is abusive. People should mind their own business.
Fact: Abuse should never be ignored! The person being hurt has the right to be in a safe and respectful relationship.
Myth: It is okay for one person to make all the decisions in a relationship.
Fact: In a healthy relationship, both people share in decision making and respect each other’s thoughts and ideas.
Myth: Abuse won’t happen to me!
Fact: Abuse can happen to anyone no matter their sex, race, religion, economic status, or sexual orientation.
Myth: I love my partner. I’m the only one who can help them! I can make him/her change.
Fact: People can’t change someone else’s behavior.
Worried about a friend or family member
Are you concerned that a friend or family member is in an unhealthy or dangerous relationship? There are many reasons we might be concerned about the people in our lives and their relationships.
- Listen to the person in a non-judgmental way. This can be difficult but what they are saying is valuable. We recommend trying to be supportive without trying to step in and run their relationship.
- The best way to get information about the relationship you are concerned about is to ask specific questions in a respectful manner.
- There are no excuses for abuse. It is important to let the person being hurt know that they have the right to be in a safe and respectful relationship. Abuse should never be ignored!
- Offer to connect your friend or family member to valuable community resources. Let them know that it is important to find people that they trust to talk to about what is happening in their relationship.
- Try to support your friend or family member to the best of your ability. Be patient, leaving an abusive relationship takes time. It can be very difficult to safely move away from or exit the relationship.
If you feel that you or someone you know may be in an abusive relationship, there are places you can go for help. Telling someone about the abuse can be a very difficult thing to do. They care about you and want you to get the help you need. The following resources can make it easier for you.